40k Lore Accounts: Nothing is written in stone, everything is vague, the contradictions are central to the storytelling, the universe is cloaked in the densest mystery imaginable, we can't even figure out if the lasguns have recoil, but one thing is certain: No Girls Allowed

I would rather pour molten lead in my ears than listen to this pervert talk.

Man I have got to stop playing this game

a relationship only has to make sense for the people in it.

My friend’s Dad doesn’t know who Cookie Monster is and referred to him as COLD ELMO.

For my non-comedy friends, a significant number of comedians based their entire career around potentially getting on (and noticed at) Just For Laughs, an industry-packed Montreal festival.

JFL went bankrupt because of an email scam and now comics are scrambling to reroute.

Had a dream that niles rolled up in one of these, smoking a glowing blunt that turned his breath green, and said 'I'm smoking that shit that killed superman.'

What do you call that thing that white boys do where their hand is limp and they flick it back and forth a lot and it makes a snapping sound? I never figured it out and thus have no term for it.

One of the most dystopian things I've seen recently was a church that, instead of ringing the bells in their bell tower, just played a compressed .mp3 of church bells over an enormous loudspeaker.

Do you think your choice will win in this poll?

After working in kitchens, I must say that if the average American were to see the true size that vegetables can achieve, it would shock and horrify them.

I have chopped carrots the size of watermelons. I have diced bell peppers from the inside. The state fair is child's play.

Ugh, my roommate is having company over and now I gotta normie proof my apartment. Remove anything too thought provoking/intellectual. hide my copy of Interstellar (blu-ray and HD-DVD). turn on a youtube of fireworks and open a box of snack packs for the proles. 🙄

When my mom had one of her borzoi bred, the semen collection company gave us this pen:

Get in, girls, we're bringing back foot binding.

This is the funniest How It's Made I've ever seen. Literally everything else they do is multimillion dollar machines with laser precision and this is like...5 minute crafts.

youtu.be/Zw7ELsim92c?si…

Attracting people in your 30s is less about having abs and more about how recently you mopped your kitchen.