Turnip. The newest slur in town. 🤣

Mate, twitter is proper shit now. All I see is transphobes and right wing morons spouting bollocks. Where's the news? I miss this place being where I go to find out what's happening in the world. I don't care what Deborah thinks about toilet cubicles.

I'm knees go waaaaaaa years old.

"A REAL MAN WOULD HAVE RUBBED WASABI IN HIS EYES AND LET SOME ANGRY LOBSTERS HAVE A GO ON HIS TESTICLES FOR A LAUGH." I have to say that seeking assistance for a mental health issue seems more reasonable.

Jacob Rees-Mogg

It's holiday season so of course a couple with their camper van thought it acceptable to break my fence and camp overnight on my land. They are now blocked in with our small tractor, should be fun when they wake up.

Yes. Do I get a sticker?

Aliens. DISAGREE AND YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.

The bellends whining climate change is a hoax because it's raining in the UK remind of the people that don't understand how snow works. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF YOUR RURAL LANE TO FIX MY BOILER BECAUSE OF THE SNOW? MY GRITTED MAIN ROAD IS FINE. STOP MAKING EXCUSES."

A few months ago I was contacted by management for Harry Styles asking whether I would consider doing his portrait. I didn’t really know of his celebrity at the time so I said yes but I wish I hadn’t cause the whole thing has been a disaster.  He came to my holiday home in

Trump: *Gets arrested for robbing a bank at gunpoint* Republicans: "Wow, so it's illegal to go to a bank and get some money now."

This photo is incredible.

Good Morning.

"I'M VERY HOT AND UNCOMFORTABLE." "Maybe you shouldn't be sat on the sofa with a whole duvet across your lap then?" "NO. THE TEMPERATURE JUST NEEDS TO REDUCE TO COMFORTABLY ACCOMMODATE MY WEIRD NEEDS. I SHALL JUST SWEAT IN THE MEANTIME."