Just a warm oasis where someone is always having sex with all your exes. -Tuscon

When you Visit Tuscon, be sure to take notice to our strict dress code policy while visiting one of our 361 breweries in town.

Did you see that sunset last night? #WhyILoveWhereILive Speaking of gentrification... Go to Tania’s and tell your friends that Tania’s is the most authentic food you can get in town! WTF is a Mercado District? #MenloPark #VisitTuscon

Houghton is “how-ton” Kolb is “koll-b” Wilmot is “wil-mont” Tanias is mediocre at best Don’t @ me.

Everyone complaining about gas prices but I just bought a pack of cigarettes from hotelcongress for $12 and tipped and wasn’t even mad about. Anyways. When’s the last time someone got a gun pulled on them in Menlo Park. It’s been 21 years for me. #ThisIsTuscon

If you have a big truck and an even smaller ego, cruise down congress. Make some noise for your insecure self! There are plenty of F-150’s to test.

Wildcats beat NAU. That’s like old white women buying turquoise. #bet

Menlo Park and South 4th hanging out like they still trying to be somebody.

Just had someone ask me “where I got those tacos” I was posted up in front of the food truck.

What’s more Tuscon?

A college bar got hit by Tuscon Police Department for selling drugs and over serving patrons. That’s like saying South 4th just got their rent jacked sky high because of white hipsters looking for cheap rent. #ThisIsTuscon

Gem show is in town! Tell your friends about all the “native” things you can buy. For example: A double western bbq burger meal from Carl’s Jr. on Congress and I-10! #ThisIsTuscon

Just popped a few shots in the air in Menlo Park to make the newly rich neighbors afraid of Food City and lower the lines for eegees and Whataburger®

Remember Club Crawl? Lol

Tuscon is safe and we are all getting by just fine. #AprilFools

This took me 4 hours to make

Nobody: Tuscon: *lights a candle* I’m a witch.

I've had so much anxiety in the face of all this terrible news that I'm gonna watch Uncut Gems tonight just to relax.