I never thought “STOP EATING POOP” would be a regular part of my daily discourse

I swear security questions just exist to bring you down. - What was the name of your 5th grade best friend who you gradually grew apart from? - What was the name of the college you failed to get into? - What is the name of the first boy who dumped you?

Wordle is single-handedly reminding us that delayed gratification is a thing

The Microsoft Viva “Your daily briefing” email is the most panic-inducing email I get

Was thinking about a book I wanted to order and had the thought “wait, does Amazon even have books?”

After years of only allowing myself to change the volume in 5s, I’ve finally started allowing myself to change it to even numbers. I’ve decided it allows more options without sacrificing my integrity

Not a fan of the new “you might like” feature on Instagram. Yes, I DO like that, but I do not appreciate my predictability being pointed out to me.

❤️❤️❤️

“Oh, this guy is the BEST” - Me watching plumbing videos on YouTube

You ever start talking and think to yourself “where is this story going and when will it be over?”

Having a husband is nice because whenever I don’t want to commit to something, I can just say “let me talk to my husband”

Not really sure why when I see someone has their notifications silenced I’m like, “oh I better not text them, I don’t want to disturb them”

I asked my wife if she had any plans tonight and

There is a lot of freedom in being willing to change your mind when presented with new information. Imagine preferring to believe something that isn’t true rather than admit that you were wrong.

this is exactly how i imagine homeschool prom

I’m amazed by people who re-share posts they made a year or more ago. Don’t they know the purpose of those is to experience deep shame

A proposed test for diagnosing when your politics is threatening to become your religion: If you learn someone shares your faith but not your politics, and you immediately distrust their faith, then your politics might be displacing your religion.

The IRS has got to be the least efficient, most frustrating institution in the entire world.

This. During the Clinton era it was “it’s important to have a president who cares about morals”, then during the Trump era it shifted to “well it’s really the policies that matter.” Hmm seems like it’s really more about voting Republican no matter the consequences.

Me, 8 months pregnant: I’m so out of breath Kyle: Maybe you should breathe less, to save it