Well what about this? A small tribe of asparagus, but they’re self-conscious about the way their pee smells?

I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it!!

I didn’t know you had elves working here! You’re hilarious, my friend. Does Santa know you left the workshop? Y’know, we’re all laughing our heads off. Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?

Hey. Jackweed. I get more action in a month than you get in your entire life. I’ve got houses in LA, Paris, and Vail. Each one with a 70” plasma screen. Now I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face, before I come over there and smack it off.

Now call me elf, one more time. He’s an angry elf.

You get the hell out of here. Where do you want me to go? I don’t care where you go. I don’t care that you’re an elf, I don’t care that you’re nuts, I don’t care that you’re my son. Get out of my life! NOW!

What’s more vulnerable than a peach?

I’m sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. I’ll never forget you. Love, Buddy.

I need an elf’s help. I’m not an elf, Santa. I can’t do anything right. Buddy, you’re more of an elf than anyone I ever met, and the only one who I’d want working on my sleigh tonight.

I think you’re great, Charlotte. I saw something right in the middle of Central Park. I mean, you’re a great news lady. Yeah, yeah your eyes tell the story, that’s what I love about you. And you’ve got a great mouth.

So, you’re really Santa Claus? You never can tell, kid. Tell me, Michael, what do you want for Christmas? I wanted a skateboard. No, not just A skateboard. A real Huffboard!

Well before the turbine days this baby used to run solely on Christmas spirit. You believed in me. You made my sleigh fly!

Christmas spirit is about believing, not seeing. If the whole world saw me all would be lost. Paparazzi has been trying to nail me for years.

Lynn Kessler wants a Power Puff Girls playset. Mark Weber wants an electric guitar. Carolyn Reynolds wants a Susie Talks-a-Lot. Thanks, Buddy! Dirk Lawson wants a a day of pampering at Burke Williams spa. Must be another Dirk Lawson. Dave Keckler wants some Nike Shox.

What’s your name? Uh, I’m Charlotte Denon, NY 1. Charlotte Denon wants a Tiffany engagement ring and for her boyfriend to stop dragging his feet and commit already.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is signing loud for all to hear.

I hope Santa left one of those under the tree for the league’s referees! Lord knows some of them need it (looking at you, Shaun Davis). 😅

Lmfao that’s rich. I believe it was unlivable wages, poor equipment standards, unreasonable travel requirements, etc. that forced the players to go on strike. But yeah sure whatever fits the league’s narrative.

BABY BRINDY!!

It’s the fucking Iowa Wild. What the fuck bro.