First 'May Contain Nudity' show Comedy Bar Danforth (2800 Danforth Avenue) this Sunday at 9:30 p.m. A stand-up show where the comedians are challenged to improv games, writing games... and possibly a bare bum or two. Tickets - comedybar.ca/shows/may-cont… #toronto

First 'May Contain Nudity' show Comedy Bar Danforth (2800 Danforth Avenue) this Sunday at 9:30 p.m. A stand-up show where the comedians are challenged to improv games, writing games... and possibly a bare bum or two. Tickets - comedybar.ca/shows/may-cont…… #toronto COMEDY BAR

I want to die with a drink in my hand, so I can pour one out for myself as I pass away.

'May Contain Nudity' at Comedy Bar Danforth (2800 Danforth Avenue) this Sunday at 9:30 p.m. A stand-up show where the comedians are challenged to improv games, writing games... and possibly a bare bum or two. Tickets - comedybar.ca/shows/may-cont… COMEDY BAR #Toronto

This Thursday to Saturday (May 25-27) catch Just For Laughs vet Nick Reynoldson plus great guests and fellow Just-For-Laughians Joey Elias 🇨🇦 Thomas Calnan Raajiee Chelliah Dan Bingham @marmandrusiak Lawrence Corber Gabriel Omassi Isabelle Gaumont & more! Info/tix comedynest.com

Kind of sad that Starbucks in Canada got rid of the 'True North' blend. My favourite thing was to go in, order a tall 'True North' and then ask: "Is the True North strong and free?" Then I'd laugh... Then they would... go get my coffee.

Sneak peek at Thursday May 25th featuring Just For Laughs vet Nick Reynoldson plus great guests and fellow Just-For-Laughians Joey Elias 🇨🇦 Marianne Mandrusiak Thomas Calnan Gabriel Omassi Lawrence Corber & more! 8pm (to 9:30), $12/$6st, info/tix: comedynest.com

Things are very well named in Montreal. I went to the museum of fine arts. It was fine.

Taking a walk in Ottawa. Apparently I got here just in time for the dead tulip festival.

Thinking back to the things I said when coming down from the drugs after getting my four wisdom teeth out... "I should have had them remove my foot from my mouth too".

Wore a pink shirt yesterday and someone told me that pink isn’t manly. What‽ My whole body is pink!

The Scoville scale for hot peppers sounds completely made up. "How hot is this one?" "JESUS! I DON'T KNOW?! A FUCKING MILLION! WHEN CAN I STOP EATING THESE?!"

What do you call Nanaimo bars without the coconut? Delicious!

I've been learning french and I think I've worked out where the name 'poutine' comes from. 'Pou' - means 'poo', and 'Tine' - means 'never again'.

I need one of those breathalyzer ignition devices, but for Ubereats.

I don't know what the slogan for Prince Edward Island is, but I think "Easy as P.E.I." would be excellent.

Baths are boring. I believe that people who kill themselves in a bathtub do it simply because they are taking a bath.

Every time I see a crossing guard I think to myself - “Just introduce the universal basic income already…’

Apparently 'Las Vegas' means 'the meadows' in Spanish. That makes their slogan even creepier - "What happens in the meadows stays in the meadows..."