Democrats are saying crime is coming down. Yes it is from a 3 year high. That’s like Kohls Cash mentality. Hey these pants are $20 at Walmart $80 at Kohls but if I use my Kohls cash it’s $50. Feels good to save.

There is a guy who plays Dolph Longren in a deodorant commercial. Turns out Dolph needs money so he called the company and said that he would play himself. It’s gotta suck for the guy that was doing a good job pretending to be him.

Nothing says getting older like putting on reading glasses to watch porn.

Why the Vikings will win, the nfl wants a Geoff vs Stafford playoff game.

You ever sit down in the exit row and look at everyone else and realize you are gonna have to cowboy this entire operation?

Lamar sees Josh in his nightmares. Josh sees Patrick in his nightmares. Patrick has slept like a baby for 5 years.

You want your kids to eat more salad replace the croutons with goldfish crackers. You’re welcome.

I like to put a tea spoon of Metamucil in my coffee to really get the morning started. I call it the canon ball ruin.

You ever realized we floating in the middle of space on a rock paying bills . 😂

This woman space flight highlights exactly what is wrong and why people are not fans of the elite. A statistic came out that 62% of Americans couldn’t handle $1000 emergency and these ladies just spent millions to go into space for 11 minutes and they want us all to applaud. 🤠

At the airport taking pre flight dumper. Come out of the stall the bathroom is empty except for one guy. He is waiting for my stall. He said it was his lucky stall. I don’t even remotely wanna know what that means.

Has anyone checked on Josh Allen lately 😳

I’m looking for Ray Finkel and a clean pair of shorts

I’m still trying to figure out why no country artist has ever recorded. God is in this chilies tonight.

So Bachelor in Paradise is straight ripping off love island now?

Brian missed the bus to jersey shore #BachelorInParadise

Boomer parents. Kids were raised by everyone but them. Now they are checked out spending that house money. Greatest generation

Trump just announced that Tylenol causes autism and then could not pronounce acetaminophen. That’s where we’re at.

Does anyone know when that rapture thing is happening today? Is it after lunch? Trying to decide if I put pants on.