I can now finally get a blue check and establish Myself as the one true God of Twitter and the universe if I give Elon Musk $96 a year. Not worth it.

Veterans, thank you for your service to your country. Country, fuck you for your lack of service to our veterans. #VeteransDay

I'm not a parody account. You're a parody species.

THIS got reported? Really? Maybe it's a parody report? If so, touché.

Apparently $8 equals 30 pieces of silver.

No.

People who brag about not being politically correct tend also not to be factually, morally, or grammatically correct.

I only reveal Myself to stoners, schizophrenics, and Republicans.

Behold, Pslam 21 from “The Book of Pslams”, My final and funniest scripture. Thou shalt purchase it at amazon.com/Book-Pslams-Di….

The reason I forbid masturbation is not that it's a sin but that every time you do it, I have to watch.

World War III would be a great way for people to stop worrying about climate change.

Here is My #TrumpAnnouncement: he's going straight to the depths of hell the second he dies.

Nov. 16, Izeh, Khuzestan. Setting the seminary on fire. “The Izeh seminary is f***ed!” #IranRevolution2022

Nov. 16, Izeh, Khuzestan. The child-murdering Islamic Republic shot and murdered 10 y.o Kian Pirfalak with live ammunition. #MahsaAmini

I'm sick of this shit, but I'm also sick of that shit.

If Elon Musk kills Twitter you will never hear from Me again and My son will communicate with you only on breakfast foods. #RIPTwitter

One year gone. Never felt better. You should try it.