Watching Malcolm In The Middle with the perspective that it's about Walter White in witness protection.

The American mind cannot comprehend this

Me looking at Slack after opening the wine at 4pm Friday

Did someone say beveragino?

What should we put on the next five pound note ?

Friday night Sunday morning

Now that #TheApprentice is over for another year I want to thank everyone involved for another successful year of letting me write all his jokes.

I'm not represented, I can't afford PR it's just a work in progress of a show I think will be amazing next year. Can the below get a few RTs from the comedy world?

Sam Allardyce looking across at a Spanish manager after playing 5 centre backs and grinding out a 1-0 win:

I've gotta train to carry this shitposting industry on my back

This is how audiences in Kent look at you as you're walking to the stage:

Me looking at my therapist as I'm declared not fit to stand trial:

Emi Martinez is easily my favourite player at the moment. The fact that he got in their heads so much that he caused a scuffle in the centre circle just by existing is Ballon d'Or worthy 😂

Alternative comedians watching people buy tickets to normal shows:

The perfect cat name doesn't exi......

Married at First Sight is just a competition of who can spend the most time living in a Premier Inn with each other
#MAFS #MAFS AU

Me looking back at the queue when I take the last sausage roll at Greggs

The song Vengabus triggers a sensory memory for me because that's what was playing on my Sony Walkman when I watched the 2nd plane hit the World Trade Centre