Good luck getting a generic London based hit man type character this afternoon, Albania are playing

The country that invented the yodel failing to deliver. Not surprising.

If Gareth Southgate told me where I'm going wrong in my comedy career I'd tell him to keep quiet, so I think I'll do the same about any opinions I have on his team selection.

So glad I made it to Germany on time with my laser-pen.

Have you suffered from an England match that wasn't your fault? No win, no fee. Claimants must be over 18 and not Scottish Call 0345 832233

I've shrugged off the disappointment of England's performance by carefully washing my private parts. The jewels remain still gleaming.

Tbilisi is four hours ahead of us They're leading, (leading) in the midnight game in Georgia #GEOPOR

It's the teen-agers I feel sorry for, too young to vote, too old for Prince Andrew

Amazing gig in Lutterworth for Funhouse comedy tonight. Had a whale of a time hosting a fantastic line up of El Baldiniho, Steve Day and Ignacio Lopez Lots of fun and laughter.

SZA called herself that to make it easier to get a personalised numberplate

People remember Bob Geldof saying Give us your fucking money at #LiveAid on this day in 1984. He didn't actually say it, that was at the Mandela Effect concert a few years later.

Abnormally Funny People are live at the Royal Festival Hall on Sunday 8th Sept, 7pm. With an amazing line up including the always brilliant and lovely Steve Day. More in the next post, or find out everything and buy your tickets now via this link. southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/comed…

Stop The Boats! #OpeningCeremony

Team GB won the Eventing. Hard luck Ethiopia #Olympics

I prefer to watch the real patriots of all faiths, ethnicity, skin-tone and orientation representing this country out in Paris. I'd take that beautiful, talented and strong version of us any day of the week.

As they come off the bend and onto the home straight, they're neck and neck, can she win this for Great Britain ... Switch over now to BBC2 to continue watching in just a few moments #BBCOlympics

Tickets for the amazing Abnormally Funny People show are only £12 ⭐️ To see Ria Lina, Steve Day, Shaparak Khorsandi, Harriet Dyer and Tim Renkow. £12 is amazing value. Click link and buy yours today. southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/comed…

Monday morning blues? Or maybe on holiday and want something to look forward to when you're back? We've got you covered! Sun 8th Sept, Abnormally Funny People with an amazing line up. Buy tickets for only £12 now. southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/abnor…

Ria Lina ⚜️ Tim Renkow Steve Day Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی Harriet Dyer Steve Best Simon Minty Southbank Centre

Delighted to announce I'm off to see Booking Fee next August. There's a band on as well.