Y’all trying to make these bathwater jokes and I guarantee you’re the ones that have already added that shit to your carts.

I made one post and resurrected a career. This dude is going into the HoF. And when I go in, if their standards are ever lowered enough for me to get in, he’s inducting me

Needless to say, I’m odds and ends, but that’s me I’m stumblin’ away… slowly learnin’ that life is okay. Now say after me… It’s no better to be safe than sorry.

How is my loving ex these days #I, THADDEUS 🤟?!

Holy shit, I was just spacing out and started looking around for my phone. I actually got up to go look for it and realized I was looking at it. In my hand. I’m a Borg.

Been gone so long I feel like a stranger.

When you make an uneducated statement, just because you add “full stop” at the end doesn’t make you or the stupid statement correct. You’ll “full stop” when I kick you in the tiny nuts you have next time you do it.

Happy Independence Day!!!! USA USA USA 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Amber mouthwash tastes like medicine shit, but it doesn’t ruin the taste of your food or drinks after using it… you’re welcome.

Why do people have to be so insufferable on the internet? We get it, you’d never eat McDonald’s, it’s beneath you. Mayo?! Eew! Sugar? Omg you’d never. Stfu. We get it, ur a vegan and better than us. Also, I’m in better shape than you’ll ever be and I eat McDonald’s. 🖕

Fucking moron. You can like the new Superman movie all you want, but pretending Nolan’s Batman films were bad and ruined comic book movies is an absolutely stupid take. Just fuck off with this opinion. I won’t link the article because it deserves no easy views.

Edgy like the early 90’s… youtu.be/0ImRyPymRAM?si…

If I knew it was gonna go by this fast, I just might have enjoyed it more.

Have you ever been eating a big giant bowl of ice cream and been like… fuck, this is gonna run out. 😔

Hulk will be back when he tells God this doesn’t work for me, brother. I don’t care if you liked him, you’re here because of him whether you like it or not. Rest on, brother.

so do i 🤣

In case you weren't wondering, I live.

We've been through this such a long, long time Just tryin' to kill the pain

#NewProfilePic

As the story goes, I fought my ass off to rise up and get out of the life I was born into… I found love. I found fame. I found fortune. And then I fought my ass off to throw it all away. To become the loser I was born to be. You’ve forgotten about me. But I remember you.