Why didn't the lifeguard rescue the hippy? Because he was too far out man.

Three golf clubs went into a bar. The putter asked for a beer. The wedge ordered Tequila. The third said, "Nothing for me. I'm the driver."

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? 'Cause you shouldn't press your luck.

The farmer was so pleased with his corn crop that he walked the length of it, Grinning from ear to ear.

I'm looking forward to watching the World Origami Championship. It's on Paper-view.

Scientists have created artificial vocal cords. The results speak for themselves.

I went to a really emotional wedding last week... Even the cake was in tiers.

I couldn't find a singing partner, So I bought a duet yourself kit.

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

My grandfather passed away from falling into a giant coffee vat. He didn't suffer, It was instant.

My inflatable house got a puncture yesterday. Now I'm living in a flat.

When algebra teachers retire, how do they deal with the aftermath?

What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal.

It’s ok if you don’t know what prefix means… It’s not the end of the word.

I injured myself while measuring radio frequencies. Still Hertz.

My friend asked if I was getting Oasis tickets… I said maybe.

How fast is milk? It’s pasteurized before you know it.

Socks should be at least 12 inches long So they can cover a foot

I was going to post a joke about sodium... But Na.

I love nomads. They never get angry.