L’Oréal Unveils Metal Box For Locking Self Inside To Hide From Insecurities theonion.com/l-oreal-unveil…

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Another Star Falls From American Flag Following Well-Attended Drag Queen Brunch theonion.com/another-star-f…

Two Still Dead In Mausoleum Collapse theonion.com/two-still-dead…

Competitive eater Joey Chestnut was banned from Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest by the event’s organizers after he signed an endorsement deal with Impossible Foods. #WhatDoYouThink ? theonion.com/joey-chestnut-…

In a show of force amid tensions regarding Ukraine, Russia sent four warships, including a nuclear-powered submarine and frigate, to anchor in Havana Bay, 90 miles from Florida. #WhatDoYouThink ? theonion.com/4-russian-wars…

Justice QAnon Shaman Under Fire After Refusing To Recuse Himself From Jan. 6 Cases theonion.com/justice-qanon-…

Trump Family Takes Adorable Birthday Pictures Of Donald’s Face Covered In Cake theonion.com/trump-family-t…

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Pregnant Belly Helps Grade Schooler Balance Weight Of 20-Pound Backpack theonion.com/pregnant-belly…

Pros And Cons Of Inviting Benjamin Netanyahu To Address Congress theonion.com/pros-and-cons-…

Tesla Announces Plan To Add Up-Skirt Cameras On All Vehicles theonion.com/tesla-announce…

K-pop idol Jin of the group BTS has promised to embrace 1,000 fans in a three-hour-long hugging marathon upon his return from service in the South Korean army. #WhatDoYouThink ? theonion.com/bts-s-jin-to-h…

Old Classmates Easily Pick Up Where In Swirly They Left Off theonion.com/old-classmates…

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God Frustrated After Realizing Gates Of Heaven Too Narrow To Fit Couch Through theonion.com/god-frustrated…

NASA Polishes Moon In Orbital Rock Tumbler theonion.com/nasa-polishes-…

Elon Musk Debuts New Self-Parenting Child theonion.com/elon-musk-debu…

What To Know About Steve Bannon Potentially Going To Prison theonion.com/what-to-know-a…

Birth Of White Buffalo In Yellowstone Fulfills Lakota Prophecy #WhatDoYouThink bit.ly/3KFinHd