Nation Disappointed After Biden Answers Business Call During Big Recital bit.ly/3Ur4P6H

Orangutan Stuns Researchers By Using Rogaine To Fix Bald Spot bit.ly/4a4jN8s

Arrests At Pro-Palestinian College Protests Reach 2,000 Nationally bit.ly/4dmOkBn #WhatDoYouThink ?

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Advisors Assure Biden This Will Blow Over Once All Gazans Dead bit.ly/3UL6Coo

Annoying Teen On Train Has Girlfriend’s Whole Face In Mouth bit.ly/3Wq2POQ

Everyone On Camping Trip Just Gets Out Of Way While Friend Who Knows What He’s Doing Takes Care Of Everything bit.ly/44peCi6

Taylor Swift Begins Day By Playing Video Reminding Travis Kelce Who She Is, How Long They’ve Dated bit.ly/3WkR1gJ

Japanese Town To Build Screen Blocking Tourists’ View Of Mount Fuji bit.ly/3y3AMuj #WhatDoYouThink ?

Today in Onion Real Estate: Not For Sale bit.ly/3yc7WrB

Airbnb Recreates House From ‘Up’ For Renters bit.ly/3WnC25y #WhatDoYouThink ?

‘Sorry I’m Late—These Protesters Were A Nightmare,’ Says Blood-Splattered, Riot-Gear-Clad Biden Entering Press Conference bit.ly/3JHJkJM

Congress Passes Opioid Crisis Legislation After Addict Cousin Steals Their Xbox bit.ly/4a3pdAJ

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Trump Watching Movie On iPad During Trial Without Using Headphones bit.ly/44pS3Kk

Kristi Noem Attempts To Relieve Tension From Negative Press By Squeezing Stress Dog bit.ly/3Qrk7am

Cop Too Drunk To Administer Field Sobriety Test bit.ly/3y9HyP6

Buttigieg Distracts Americans With Speech While DOT Steals Nation’s Catalytic Converters bit.ly/44qPasx

Biggest Prize On Eastern European Game Show Apparently Fridge bit.ly/4bk0adH

Idaho Man Arrested For Kicking Bison bit.ly/44oowk8 #WhatDoYouThink ?