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NASA Announces Bold Plan To Still Exist By 2045 theonion.com/nasa-announces…

The Onion uncovers what’s inside Elon Musk’s $35 million Texas compound. Explore Elon Musk's entire compound here: theonion.com/inside-elon-mu…

Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison theonion.com/judge-gives-tr…

Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man theonion.com/salvadoran-pre…

ICE Argues Migrants In Camps Are Free To Die At Any Time theonion.com/ice-argues-mig…

“When God called to report the shooting, He wanted our absolute assurance that if He gave testimony, no one would ever find Him or His Son,” said an anonymous FBI source who described the Divine Creator as “incredibly shaken up” theonion.com/god-placed-int…

Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society theonion.com/historians-qui…

Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side theonion.com/nation-cant-be…

JD Vance Rushes To Put Wife’s Head Back On After Fumbling Second Lady theonion.com/jd-vance-rushe…

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me-where-…

“Studies of the past tell us that nitpicking the particular semantics of the term ‘concentration camp’ as they pertain to a place the government is actively sending people with no criminal history is highly associated with national stability,” said historian Kristen Boyd

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs theonion.com/underfunded-sc…

Obamas Show Off Vibrant Marriage By Inviting Nation To Join Them In Boudoir theonion.com/obamas-show-of…

Even Investigators Not Sure Why They Keep Releasing Details Of Gene Hackman’s Death theonion.com/even-investiga…

DOJ Plants Gun On Maine theonion.com/doj-plants-gun…

Trump: ‘The Only Gun Guy To Stop Bad Gun With Good Guy’ theonion.com/trump-the-only…

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi said as she held up the weapon with a rubber glove theonion.com/doj-plants-gun…

Historians Uncover New Evidence That Jesus Made Annoying Smacking Sound After Every Sip Of Wine theonion.com/historians-unc…

Report: Wife Hasn’t Been Home In Few Days theonion.com/report-wife-ha…

Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society theonion.com/historians-qui…