Since this joke is everywhere here's a version you can rip where I at least have hair.

Help I have a persistent medical issue that will only start to resolve the instant I make a doctors appointment to address it.

That insufferable guy listening to jazz

There’s a whole group of people that have no concept of the idea that feeding off of other humans is inherently immoral

Smoking Jars of Metal would be a sick band name

Dating is impossible today because 80% of the time your date is just James O'Keefe

Help I’m up to my debt in eyeballs

#iran #standupcomedy #jokes

Lindsay Graham is the only monster that doesn’t come out of the closet

There’s a business in my town called “The Sod Guy” and I really hope it’s grass

Goose…

This what I call doughnuts

Everytime I play #battlefield Redsec

The best part of American politics right now has gotta be Dave Smith trotting out the same three arguments every single debate and watching boomers completely unable to come up with a logical retort every single time.

current state of Iran-US negotiations

Rep. Jack Kimble Monster in the closet

This is going to sound made up but do you remember when Clair Danes did a Terminator movie?

God is a woman

If Trump gets shot at one more time he gets a free assassination