"Let's turn these carrots into a cake." - psychopaths

You're not the sharpest knife in my back!

A birthday bukkake but it’s just me with cake all over my face.

This meeting should've been a fist fight.

🇦🇹 🔝 GOOD NIGHT 🌹❤️💋 💽 🎶🎧 📽️ ⭐⭐⭐⭐😉

Middle age Latina 👀

One more unhealthy coping mechanism then I’m done, I swear

#PaulMooney said it best 👌🏾🗣📣🔊💯

I don't believe in the raptu

Going to Costco. Anybody need a boat or a lifetime supply of cashews?

N.G.L. No God Lives - Flammes

Askhole (noun) A person who constantly asks for advice, then does the opposite.

I got a feeling that they are coming for Flintstone Chewables next.

She said she knows a spot.

What would you name him ?

The rapture is coming, but it's just Anita Baker finally resurfacing a year and a half after cancelling that show and disappearing from public view.

Friend 1: I got married! Friend 2: I bought a house! Me: I ate dinner over the sink so I wouldn’t have to wash a plate!

So are we all giving ourselves little pep talks out loud lately?

Now girls & women having FRIENDS is bad 😂🤣 PSA: framing female friendship as ‘dangerous’ is fake & ghey propaganda. Pushing to isolate women. Reject the script: female friendship isn’t a problem to fix lol, it’s the power they can’t control.

gives you bad news, but with peter frampton's mouth-tube-talking-guitar thing