Oh shit, still raining out. Why not pop into the Duff, dry off and spend your money on bullshit! #theDuff

Wow, its REALLY nice out today. Go outside and get some exercise so I don't have to see your fat-asses in stretchy pants anymore.

Seriously thinking about upgrading the toilet paper in the washrooms. 3 ply, quilted, what do YOU want to wipe your ass with?

Its gonna be hotter than a Las Vegas whore house out there today - Remember you can buy a new AC unit at Wally-mart.

Or you could just loiter around in the mall and stay cool, maybe grab Orange Julius, do the kids still do that? #theDuff

I'm pretty lonely since all the kids are out of school now. Who will sit in my food court, WHO?!

@G__44 Parody? I speak the TRUTH!!

Oh hai! Walmart is your one stop shop for all your back to school crap your snot nosed kids are begging you for. #theDuff

@Jerrid6stqjbg8 SPAM!!

Since the city dropped all of my charges, you can expect WAY more tweets from me! #theDuff

Looks like its raining like a mo-fo out there, why not pop into the Duff and trade in your old piece of shit umbrella for a NEW ONE!!

Someone in Winners has some grade-A Body Odour. The kind that makes your eyes water, please avoid at all costs.

There are kids skipping class and hanging out in the food court. Don't think I can't see you, I can see everything, I'm like god… kinda.

Hey… where'd everybody go? Oh yea, you suckers have to go BACK TO SCHOOL. Just skip and hang in the food court. #YOLO #theDuff

@ThisIsCareBear Why you no come to the mall? I has lots of clothes for you. Give me your moneys! #theDuff

It has been brought to my attention, that the entire mall is sold out of umbrellas. Coincidentally, Walmart has a sale on garbage bags.

Someone in the food court didn't take their tray to the garbage and left it on the table, now one of my henchmen has to do it.

Tired of school? Why not drop out and work for me! I have lots of great employment opportunities… probably.

Its pretty nice out, eh? Then theres NO reason you should be inside breathing mall air. #getOutside #theDuff

Paper towel is all stocked up in our bathrooms people, dry your hands!