You know when you go to ask your Dad a question but then realise you are your Dad so you go to ask your Mum but realise she's your ex girlfriend

Calm down babes

I’ve honestly had it up to here with Satan!

Big shout out to Steven from the UK who just thanked me because he thought it was 3pm and he was late for his meeting but it was actually 2pm and he wasn’t Anytime Stevo mate!

Most of your prayers can be answered by just eating less J

Big shout out to Darren from Blackpool who just thanked me because he thought he had run out of tomato ketchup but then he found a bottle behind the hob nobs I got you Dazza!!!!

Next time I’m making you all Purple

In Cancun with Moses He has ruined our beach day again

Satan is a knobhead! Pass it on

Everyone will have a blessed weekend! Except Michaels! Anyone called Michael will have a rubbish weekend! J

Happy Monday! Take the day off and tell your boss I said it was cool J

America is the reason I haven’t returned

Just showed this to Jeffrey to cheer him up

Anyway here’s Uptown Girl by Westlife

Happy Father’s Day! Always a confusing time for Joseph

Happy Father’s Day I wish I had been a better Father to myself

Handed Joseph a Father’s Day card and then asked him If he could go and give it to my Dad! I was proper laughing but he actually burst into tears

Your dead Grandma wants you to not masturbate so much!

Can you all just stop being dicks for like 5 minutes!!

Whoever drops the next bomb is Gay!