I'm so excited. My friend is up to more adventures.

This is so exciting. Mummy has worked so hard and now she's going to follow me into the literary world. She'd be thrilled if you ordered it - and maybe even read it. But don't forget to read mine first: My Hundred Favourite Spreadsheets, by Ted Bear.

I took the battery out of our doorbell and then scattered a line of peas outside the front door. BUT I STILL DIDN'T WIN THE NO BELL PEAS PRIZE!

BBC News - ‘I nearly died drinking a ginger beer – my school’s EpiPen saved my life’ bbc.com/news/articles/…

Woooo! Spooky! Clever Mummy. And she wouldn't even let me be her ghost writer. 👻🐻🤣 She'd be very pleased if you bought a copy and even more so if you read it. That's the spirit! 👻😄

Spookeroonies! It's Hallowe'en. And to get you in the mood (or should I say spirit?), here's a tale about messages from beyond the grave. And it's written by MY MUMMY! It would be lovely if you would like to order a copy of her very first book in advance. unbound.com/books/with-lov…

Hello everybody. I'm proud to announce that I have written my first book. It took me a long time to write. I got through a whole Mars bar while writing it. I hope you like it and want to buy it.

Oh dear. I haven't sold many copies of my book so far. And if I hadn't bought them myself, I wouldn't have sold ANY.

I've had a jolly fun first day in my new job - Air Traffic Control. There were all sorts of buttons to press, and at one stage I accidentally pulled out the wrong plug. Still, I don't think anyone noticed. bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

👀🐨🐻

I enjoyed my first day as a cleaner at Vodafone. Only trouble was there were so many electrical things that I had to unplug one so I could use the vacuum cleaner. Apparently, I don't need to come back tomorrow - I must have done such a good job that it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Don't forget, everybody - it's free wills month. How exciting.

Very well. The answer is: Harold Pinto.

Don't forget, everybody, to put your cocks forward tonight.