I don’t use alarms. I’m awakened from my slumber by hordes of tiny men trying to slay me for gold and glory Keep your 8 hours. I dwell in volcanic & cavernous lairs for eons until woefully disturbed. With no glycine or blackout curtains

The UK using disorientating instead of disorienting is yet another one of the many reasons they’re an inferior nation

Not to sound like a boomer dad but I feel like if the patriarchy was real then chicks wearing “fuck the patriarchy” shirts would be thrown in prison something something falsely attributed Voltaire quote about power and criticizing

“Jarvis, find me some Peruvian ayahuasca from the Shipibo-Conibo tribe” “No not that one … Yes, medium strength Overnight delivery No affiliate fee to OpenAI- ensure additional proceeds go to Shaman as a tip”

Just want a mid girl with some manageable B cups to play the harp for me and tell me my knowledge of coastal viking raids is impressive

Merriam Webster is sillyposting. Meanwhile you’re angry about people who will never care about you … why so serious anon? Return to jest

Lotta you mfers never cuddled on a trampoline when you were younger and I can tell

Uptober is canceled you harlots The generational wealth will resume when the shoes come back on

Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin (and saved millions of lives) by accident bc he left some Petri dishes on his workbench for 2 weeks during a trip to Scotland He noticed the mold killed staph bacteria Remember this next time you get asked to do the dishes

unfortunately true Someone with way more $ than you will still screw you Why? Who knows.. Just bc they can Step 1: assume everyone is lying about their numbers Step 2: if not lying, assume they still want to fuck you over If ur naturally chill, you need a framework like this

Language acquisition is just progressive overload (present tense -> past/future -> subjunctive) and hypertrophy (vocabulary growth) Having a training partner also helps (conversational practice) No diff than the gym

All the 2013 tumblr girls were right when they said to build a life you don’t want to escape from No amount of speculative investment, wanderlust, or general spontaneity is going to replace the feeling of being *home* , in whichever form that manifests for you A home can only

Anyone who makes broad, sweeping declarations is a rapscallion and a fool

On this week’s episode of No Idea Who You’re Talking To:

Checkpoint: required listening on the hero’s journey

The autumn urge to have 10 kids and assemble a 5v5 football team in a northeastern front yard (full tackle, the leaves are padding) (running routes around the trees not allowed until the game inevitably descends into chaos) (dibs on all-time QB)