Delighted to be launching our ‘Be civil to staff’ campaign this morni…never mind.

A fighter pilot was being cocky to Air Traffic, so they made him taxi the long way round.

Good to see the coach drivers aren't too upset with the increase in drop off charges.

Pilot: There’s a loose… Engineer: Tape. P: And some rivets hav… E: Tape. P: Also signs of metal fatigu… E: Tape. P: And a panel is missi… E: Tape. P: Hydraulic failu… E: Tape. P: Th… E: Tape.

This is a disgrace. When planes kept in captivity are sad, their tail flops over. This one is clearly over worked and needs to be set free. Do the right thing Delta.

Told the new trainee that the rope was a pull start. He's been trying to fire up an A320 for the last 40 minutes. Bless.

It's lunchtime at our Customer Service Centre! Another free perk of the job.

Congratulations Space X. The highest sock puppet show in history.

*DJ scratching sounds* Paper bags in the seatbacks, In case you feel sick, Now switch off your phones, And don't be a dick…

Absolutely delighted to have launched our new pilot training programme with Sir Richard Branson!

Had an Airbus A320 in with some fuselage damage. Benny in maintenance didn't have the parts, so he had to do a few adjustments and a spot of riveting. The airline will never know.

We're displaying a real Rolls Royce jet engine in Departures for all you aviation enthusiasts! No idea which plane it fell off and please mind the roofers.

Fact: It takes around 1,500 hours to become a commercial pilot. 100 hours of flying and 1,400 hours of learning how to tell everyone you’re a pilot in any given situation.

Crazy that Airbus stopped making these. Always looked forward to them on the London to Leeds route.

Not like Gary from refuelling to be late for a meeting. He said he had an old F4 to fill, but he should have been here by now.

I had the head of the Civil Aviation Authority in my office earlier. I guess that's what happens if you forget to duck when getting out a helicopter.

Kev from Air Traffic was just saying that he hopes when he gets to his car tonight, he doesn't find another skanky meth whore taking a dump on the roof. It's just too early for him to fall in love again.

I can't work out if the pilot taxiing towards the terminal window is doing a huge yawn or his brakes have failed.

Fact: On aircraft, pilots have different oxygen masks than you. The reason is because it's impossible for a pilot and passenger to share one mask. Idiot.

So sweet, one of the Army lads has just shown this Chinook a card trick.