Hey Mr. Secretary! General Raising Cane's! You missed one

"Ehm I-I saw your jet crash a-are you--" "I have a boyfriend sorry haha"

Final: Great Britain 7, Brewers 3

Gotta do this every time you’re in Florida

My tweets get one like each and half the time it’s me, I should just suicide bomb some Iranians already

*incredible first of its kind moment happens* modern media: imagine if you had gambled on it

My source at DoD has shared this image of one of the doomsday planes

Romain Grosjean on August 23rd

Best part about daylight savings is that I get an extra hour on my 72-hour deodorant

Aaron Judge is subhuman

This is sad. I know as a politician these companies are going to spend a billion dollars against me for saying it but 🤷🏽‍♀️ Pervasive gambling is not good for society. It turns life into a casino, traps people in addiction & debt, surges domestic violence, and fosters manipulation.

I respect the hell out of Apple for continuing to make this show despite it having zero buzz or cultural significance

>Kills gang rape victim >Lets rapists walk free Yup, welcome to the axis of resistance

Being on Twitter today was like an awesome version of Pearl harbor

Idea: 50 First Dates except you just forget that Avicii died every day