Is there such a thing as National Rail excuses bingo? Because I'm slowly building up a list standing on the platform at Gatwick Airport for my train that has been delayed 50 mins so far... Southern Trains UK #nationaljoke #trains

So far we've got... 1. Station lighting 2. Signalling errors 3. Obstruction on the line 4. TBC

Can wannabe passengers kindly start thinking of getting tickets less as a ‘purchase’ and more as a visit to an exciting casino table? Please be more grateful for the experience, gamble responsibly, and don’t complain if you lose! Thank you!

I want to thank National Rail for being so helpful in providing us with constant reasons to bugger passengers, in every journey, at short notice! Wonderful to have you in our corner ;) #LoveYou #YouRule

Sorry… I thought that this is what in the office we call: “Tuesdays” ?!

Saw this at the Walrus pub in Brighton, and thought of y’all… Happy Christmas people.

Hello everyone. Apologies for the delay in posting anything blah blah. :)

It has taken 15 years to build this account. 15 years of unending, consistent material coming my way by the brilliant SouthernRailUK2 lot (actually Southern without the 2, but they block me, so there). I am now joining the mass migration.

Cannot use the hashtag in question as it will be blocked and you will never see the tweet. As Southern really really wanted this account I will not de-activate it - just turn it off and never log back in - after I unfollow everybody (sorry peeps).

It has been emotional.

OK. I have now started taking the train to work again so my hand is force. Have to be back!

If you are a person that is using our services, and have not had a debilitating stroke or other fury-induced malady as a result, then you are a legend!

Hello mr Prime Minister GR . You and I have a lot in common I gather. Both trying hard to steady the ship as it were, both handsome for our age... I just feel a bond forming there. #WantToHangOut?

Want to join our management team? You literally get to speaking about 'trying to steady the ship' when your business is funded by the government, has extraordinary legal powers, and is literally running on rails... It is fun! #JoinSouthern!

Oh yeah! Happy Christmas everyone!!! … The management at Southern would like to apologise for the delay to this festive message. It could not be delivered on time due to severe but totally explainable lack of caring.

Southern Trains UK It will, however, ensure the Festive Message Replacement Sevice is running, intermittently and poorly timed.

Southern is now introducing a 25% extra tariff to all American passengers. To enforce this tariff, you all are now required to chant ‘Southern is great, southern is mighty’ whilst in transit. Our ICE-cool revenue enforcement officers will be assessing accents.

I looked it up. It turns out, some of our delays and creative reporting tactics are, to put it plainly, world class! With that in mind I am wondering if it would be more appropriate for us to participate in the winter or the normal Olympics… Thoughts?

Considering copying 1&1 IONOS Support 's amazing, amazing customer service ticketing system. You spend 20 mins creating one, only to be rewarded with this 'computer says no' response. Love it. Builds on that sense of utter loneliness and desperation we so like for our customers too!