Deciding the third sandwich back is the one for you, as the first two might have been stared at too much.

Let’s just declare it Autumn now and crack on with soups, stews and scarves.

The waterproof cover over my garden furniture blew away in the night. Welcome to August in Britain.

Love the lashing rain and howling wind of British summer.

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You haven’t truly angered a Brit until they beg you for your pardon.

When you clock off for bank holiday mid-tweet

It’s absolutely chucking it down. Which means absolutely no pressure to do anything. Bliss. Tea ✔️ Biscuits ✔️ Chair ✔️

The horror of being warned that the person you're about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”

New Oasis line up revealed

You can tell we’re heading towards Autumn - I’m getting that urge to make a crumble.

Saying “oh and we should organise drinks soon!” to someone until the day you die.

Meanings of Oh Dear, from the new book - Britain According to Very British Problems - out in October. geni.us/VBPBritain

Hotel designers: “Where shall we put the bedside light switches?” Everybody else in the world: “How about by the bed?” Hotel designers: “Nah, how about… we hide them!”

September 1st... bring out the mince pies.

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This week Instagram is mostly just small children in gigantic school uniforms, standing outside front doors, with the caption “can’t believe how quickly the time goes!”