As a…
– Twitter user
I want…
– access to the world’s most accurate real-time information source, a global town square for communication
so that…
– I can be repeatedly told to look between letters on my keyboard

As a…
– website visitor
I want to…
– patiently wait for content to load dynamically
so that…
– I am awash with delight

As a…
– Twitter user
I want…
– free speech
so that…
– ░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

As a...
– registering user
I want to...
– have my email address begin to validate after I type the first character
so that...
– I understand that 'c' isn't considered sufficient and I should continue to type

As a...
– restaurant website visitor
I want to...
– have the restaurant phone number appear as an uncopiable raster image on page 9 of their 48mb stock-photo-filled pdf menu
So that...
– I can call them

As a...
– Twitter user
I want to...
– have the timeline refresh a couple of seconds after opening the app
So that...
– the tweet I am half-way through reading is replaced with a more relevant, promoted tweet.

As a…
– search user
I want…
– find relevant results
so that…
– Top Relevant Results ‘24
so that…
– 100% Free Relevant Results
so that…
– Driving Relevant Omnichannel Results
so that…
– I can easily find what I am looking for

I am ready.

#WWDC23 #VisionPro #Apple

As a...
– registering user
I want to...
– inherit a surname with a minimum of three characters, without spaces, hyphens, or accents
so that...
– it can be considered valid by the backend, which was built by John Smith

As a
recipe reader
I want to
dismiss cookies, have a video ad follow me down the page, and read why this cake conjures up memories of the author's childhood, before reaching the actual recipe
so that
I feel connected to the author, before fully committing to mixing ingredients

As a…
– user
I want…
– a strategically-timed, comprehensive rebrand
so that…
– negative discourse regarding company practices can be briefly veiled with commentary regarding new name, logo, and brand assets, alongside excessively-shared parodies of the brand in meme format

As a…
– Twitter user
I want…
– unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities.
so that…
– It’s no longer possible to even parody this fucking shitshow.

As a…
– user
I want…
– single sign on
so that…
– I can sign in every single fucking time

As a…
– Mobile web user
I want…
– 80% off my first order

I am ready.

#WWDC23 #VisionPro #Apple

As a…
– Twitter user
I want…
– significant selection bias applied to polls
so that…
– the amplified opinions of the diminutive minority, whose selection criteria was to pay $7, become further reinforced as the status quo

As a...
– website visitor
I want to...
– visit the FAQ page
so that...
– I can read answers to a bunch of stupid questions that nobody has ever asked, littered with SEO keywords, that Barry from the marketing department insists is helping drive organic traffic

As a…
– Twitter user
I want…
– 4,000 character tweets
so that…
– I can read a mindless self-indulgent soliloquy from some absolute fuc… Show More