Final post on life as a Walt. We flew to the Costa Del Sol for this one and spent a week at the beach drinking San Mig and filling sandbags. Nipped across to Gibraltar to ‘borrow’ the mil kit. My Walting began in 2003 and I have been waiting 20 years to publish this pic. #fraud

The ongoing adventures of a Walt. I’m not really in the Army but managed to blag my way into HQ this morning. The Guardhouse were defenceless against the natural authority of a Jersey-Heavy-Wool. Have opened three monitors to underpin my importance. Nobody suspects. #fraud

Oooh, I have been branded a Walt… a fraud, an imposter. In American parlance… ‘stolen valor’. It’s true, my pics are photoshopped, medals purchased online and my King’s Honours citation was an inside job. This is a staged photo at a motorway services outside Bristol. #fraud

Top cover in Iraq with my buddy, a Welsh lad called Kerbs. Every day we would drive under a bridge into Basra. On the bridge, in giant red letters, were the words… ‘KILL THE ENGLISH’
And everyday, Kerbs would say… ‘See that, Frenchie? Damn right!’
#welsh #english #friends

My time on the ambulances in Iraq remains the defining moment of my career. It crosses my mind most days. It wasn’t just about those we saved or lost… it was about daily acts of compassion and offering comfort no matter what. 2003 made me a better man. #Humanity #compassion

When you receive an email from a ‘concerned civilian parent’ because my daughter told their daughter that in the Army we grow hand grenades on trees.
#kids #humour

Commandant’s Parade at the Academy, with the marching detachment arriving onto the Square to Soldiers of the King, played by the Band of the Scots’ Guards. Sovereign’s Parade on Friday with the Officer Cadets from New College receiving their commission at midnight.
#music

‘No beard this morning, Sergeant Major? It’s a brave new world.’
‘I was a scruffy Medic, now I’m a scruffy Gunner, Sir. If I get any more scruffy. I’ll be on orders.’
‘I’m rather pleased with my growth.’
‘Ah, that’s what that is, Sir.’
#beard

Squaddies and sprogs at Fortress Kirky in Aldershot. Our time at the Royal Military Academy already seems a long time ago. I don’t want to gush because Kirky is basically a chopper but it was good to see my mate.
#friendship #mates #banter

My surgery scar aches. Mrs French is irritated with my pacing and French Junior has woken up.
‘Make a chuffin’ brew, go for a walk and sort yourself out. And let the cats out.’
‘Ooh, Dad. Mum’s sweary.’
Old College by night… beats living in South London.
#night #photograghy

I am trialling a ‘Fighting in the mess’ response to my new surgical scar.
‘What happened, Sergeant Major?’
‘Broke up a fight in the mess, Sir. Nasty business.’
‘I hope action is being taken.’
‘Not sure what we can do about two unruly retired Colonels, Sir.’
#retirement #army

‘Will you be growing a beard, Sergeant Major?’
‘I have been explicitly told not to, Sir.’
‘The new policy clearly states that beards are allowed. We must lead by example. More than happy to correct whoever told you not to.’
‘Mrs French, Sir.’
fill your boots #beards #britisharmy

In the best traditions of British Army decision-making, opinion is split. However, I have gone with the majority.
‘What have you done, Sergeant Major?’
‘Had a piece of shrapnel removed, Sir. Iraq, 2003. Didn’t know it was there. Can’t even remember which grenade it was.’
#army

Sometimes I get slammed with a quality piece of banter and just have to roll with the punches …

‘I see your coffee hand is working again, Sergeant Major. Does that include your trigger finger?’

Well played.

#banter #miltwitter #surgery #wednesdaythought

Without sounding dramatic, sometimes you just sit down with a mate who has seen what you’ve seen and you unpack every wretched detail. It’s proof that it happened, that we didn’t imagine it. And for a while the burden lifts. Andrew Fox #mentalhealth #friendship

Well, this is new…
‘You’re that Frenchman off X.’
‘Something like that.’
‘You should do grooming tips for the more mature gent.’
So here goes. For a healthy, happy horse you should groom at least once a week and under the saddle after each ride.’
#Influencer #horses

Whether there’s a trending thing on X at the moment, I’m not sure, but I keep being asked who my favourite X account is. Firstly, anything that makes X a better place. Specifically, Alison Moyet. Funny, kind and delightfully understated… things I aspire to be. Alison Moyet