The nice thing about being in the DR is that I was too busy to be on my phone and now that I’m back in the states I hate people all over again

A motherfucker I may be, but you keep your mother off of my yard and I’ll keep my yard out of your mother

Is it a bad idea to rip a medium sized wart off and then eat it like a black scab? Asking for a friend of course.

They both bleed like hell so I feel like it’s not an uncommon question..

Oh the Irany …

It’s amazing how much you learn as you get older

Blow up your TV.

Throwback to when you could legally gamble at Taco Bell as a kid

I forgot how good of a feeling a day drunk buzz is at the end of November

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

Is alcohol a Virgo?

Why do we say the water is on fire when the fire is on water?

I’ll never be mad about being an early riser.

Our lord works in mysterious ways, wouldn’t ya say California? 🔥🔥

Out of work! 🤣🤣

Currently looking for one of my lungs. One hitter done turned into a bazooka tube

Debating on phoning a friend for a favor. Sorta kinda need a bucket of fireball for my health.

Kiss You All Over by Exile is one of the greatest songs of all time and it’s sadly underrated and that hurts my only feeling.

Such hypocrisy

I’m far too immature to be this damn old.