Hey Candidates: Don't let Sen. Harris dropping out from the primary today discourage you from doing the same. Feel free to steal her thunder and drop out today too! well over half of you are basically the same candidate as her/each other Carpe Diem!

Actually stumbled across some people who claim that Star Trek was fine, until it "got woke." Trek. The fully-automated luxury gay space communism show. Was it too subtle? Are you feeling okay?

I've watched Crowder's instant self own the moment Sam Seder pops onto the zoom like 5 times and I swear I feel younger somehow.

Not suitable for ghosts under 9 years of... death?

FB's latest innovation? Second Life. And much like in SL, I'm looking forward to business meetings being swarmed by flying penises.

Haven't been keeping up with twitter much. anything interesting going on? #Itweettokeepthisaccountalive

Why would YOU, in the last question, bring up the 47%, dude? #wtfmitt #debate

Today on freshair: terry gross channels diane reihm with cultural destruction via technology fearmongering.

Mitt's strategy: "go after the bad guys" #neverthoughtofthat #debate

Pace yourself, Barrack. It's gonna be a long night #debate

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*snerkwhat? What's happening? #debate

I am prepared to pick a winner for tonight's debate: anyone who decided to watch the game or something.

"We haven't exploited Latin America enough" #ohgod #debate

"No you guys: the budget will be good like...riiiiight after I leave office" #ohmitt #debate

It's time, Willard. Conceed, go home and take a nap on the money pile. Maybe have your horse dance if you need cheering up #election.

Hey, you got ammonium nitrate in my TNT! You got TNT in my ammonium nitrate! OH SHIT THAT'S AMATOL IT'S UNSTABLE GET D

Assholes: even if the thought of your car being stolen *wasn't* really satisfying to begin with, car alarms ceased being useful 25 yrs ago.

yfrog.com/nwzv9ndj Best movie tie-in ever.

Dear dolphin browser: why do you run worse on my new phone?

I propose a new rule: all smartphones must have an app built in that describes what all the cryptic icons at the top actually mean.