Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile
Sam Saulsbury

@samuelsaulsbury

I am the boss / / Comedy: @ClickHole @TheOnion, @tnyshouts

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calendar_today10-06-2013 04:19:53

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Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Ozzy Osbourne: ALL ABOOOOARD Me: Oh good. Cool. What's this song called, Normal Train. (A bunch of scary guitars and stuff start happening) Me: Uh oh

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My friend: (goes to walk through the door) Me: Stop! (I lean down, examining a tripwire at ankle level) Oh never mind it’s just some string. Ima kick it

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Barack and Michelle are couple goals to me in that ideally my wife would be doing 2-3 podcast appearances a week about the difficulties of being married to me

prance (@bocxtop) 's Twitter Profile Photo

nyc swung right in the presidential election but just nominated a Muslim socialist for mayor. this country isn't getting more rightwing, people are just fed up with cowards who don't stand for anything or care about making anyone's life better

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Amelia Dimoldenberg: what’s your favorite pizza topping? Classically trained British actor trying to become the internets boyfriend: um. Probably kisses… and sex… with you?

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

(on a date) The sad thing is,, you could never make Mad Men today. The media literacy isn't media literacying (a bus with spongebob on it drives by and I involuntarily mouth ‘spongebob’)

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

There have been a lot of improvements to society since Edo Japan, but you have to admit something is lost when there’s not a guy you can call to come cut your neighbor in half

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Trump on twitter: Joy Behar looked FAT AS HELL on the View. Gross! Trump on truth social: I will capture and kill the Dalai Lama Trump on Bluesky in 2029: did anyone else think Caleb was super problematic on Las Culturistas this week

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Hostage: where am I? Me subbing in for my friend Jigsaw: um. Eat a bug Hostage: or what Me (looking at a head exploding trap I couldn’t figure out): um. I’ll tell jigsaw

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

We can’t have universal healthcare cause the army spends $1.5 trillion paying psychics and voodoo shamans to keep me from getting up before 9 am

Sam Saulsbury (@samuelsaulsbury) 's Twitter Profile Photo

(Trying to connect with my girlfriend’s friend The Tinkerer): So… whatcha got there? The Tinkerer: Don’t touch it! You wouldn’t understand the flomaxium device Me: That’s cool, that’s cool. Did you guys have fun at Beyoncé