Penny Mordaunt looks like someone who would play the PM in a sci-fi dystopia set in the year 2046 in which Britain is ruled by 'The Party' and sunlight has been privatised.

We could all help the country avoid a drought by getting together for a big cry :)

Business is booming for stock photo models who specialise in 'looking worriedly at pieces of paper while holding cups of tea'

Niche but accurate #SaintsFC

*Looks at one jacket online* Instagram: Hey, we see you like jackets! Me: Well, no, I was just look- Instagram: Check out all these other jackets 😊 Me: I don't- INSTAGRAM: JACKETS

Fully expecting a text from my dad later today simply saying 'Queen dead'

Calling it now, this year's Turner Prize winner will be The Queue.

At least he didn't do Another One Bites The Dust bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-…

The best part about the last 10 days has been watching people who own multiple 'Keep Calm And Carry On' mugs fail to do either.

City addresses are like - 10 Elm Street Country adresses are like - Withering Cottage, Lower Hambles Lane, Upper Hambleton, Druckbridge, Larger Hamilton, Beastly Affertick, Intercostal County UK

Ugh, I've just been called up for Chancellor duty.

C/W: Sexual harassment; misogyny Last night I intervened on public transport when I saw a man touching himself whilst sat next to a younger woman - a 🧵

Creed III is a film about how men will literally challenge each other to become the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion of the world rather than go to therapy.

One of the all-time great jazz trombonists BudPod

Planning a trip to IKEA (1945)

God. Really shocked and saddened to hear the news about Maddy. A wonderful presence on the scene. Please keep her close ones in your thoughts and donate to the fund to support her family if you can gofundme.com/f/maddy-anholt…

Friendship in your 30s is just texting 'drink soon?' back and forth until one of you dies

.Manchester United’s new Old Trafford could fit more lasagne than Wembley #MUFC #WembleyLasagne