“I’m too fucked for this shit. Coffee. Need.”

“The fuck?! I know you weren’t. I was there. Uh, I mean, HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT I WASN’T LOOKING AT YOUR UNDERWEAR—“

“Oh? Uh… thanks?” It’s not everyday a complete stranger hands you a free drink. Chuuya eyes it nervously, not sure what to expect. “I’m fine,” he lies. “Just… thinkin’ out loud.”

“STOP BEING A JACKASS TO EVERY PARTNER YOU HAVE—“

“Good to meetcha. Nakahara Chuuya. But just… go with Chuuya. Everybody else does…” He apprehensively sipped the coffee. Doesn’t seem suspicious. “So… any particular reason you’re hovering outside my workplace headquarters?”

“OW! CAREFUL!!!”

“You asshole. How about I put an end to that shit-eating grin of yours, huh?!” He raises his fists in a mock battle stance.

“You’re the bottom of the barrel, Mackerel.”

“Are you /seriously/ testing me?!” A testing blow lands to the brunet’s cheek. “I warned you. Now pay me some fucking respect!”

“Fine. I don’t /NEED/ your fuckin’ respect. Just know that I am capable of painfully breaking every bone in your body without the aid of my ability.”

“Yeah… I’m fine. Worry about yourself.”

“You look like a nerd. A dumb one.”

“Friendship day? Ahahahahahh. NO.”

Bites ‍ ‍ ‍𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 . HARD.

“Hey - just be grateful I didn’t bite your ass!”

“I come back here after a good, well-earned break… and no one’s about? Geez. Boring.”

“WHY AM I BEING SHOWN SHIRTLESS DAZAI. FUCK OFF.”

“For real. Why would you ask that question to those idiots when you coulda just asked me? I can tell ya how.”

“Geez, you could try having some manners y’know? That’s actually the key to killing Dazai. Ya kill him with kindness. Asshole can’t take it.”

“Asshole!” Chuuya knocks the glass straight out of Dazai’s grip. He then extends his fist and grabs the taller Detective by the neck. “You’ve got some nerve. Don’t you get tired of the same old dumbass quips at my height? I’m still growing, y’know!”