Why didn’t Hans Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie

All these puns are Much much me me me me handle handle

A homeless guy asked me for some money today. I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill. "Do I really want this money going to drugs?", I thought to myself. "Nah." So I gave him the $20.

I just read that a man was shot dead with a starter pistol. Police say it might be race related.

I tried to smuggle a wild animal out of Australia... ...but it Dingo as planned.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

My wife is leaving me because I'm beginning to go bald... I don't mind because its hair loss.

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a light bulb? The answer will shock you!

Met a girl in the pub last night who said she'd show me a good time... Got outside and she ran 100m in 9.72 seconds

With great power comes... great electricity bill.

I quit my job after my boss started paying me in vegetables. I could not live off of that celery.

I accidentally took my cats meds this morning... Don't ask meow.

My dentist said my teeth were stained. He asked, "Do you smoke or drink coffee?" I replied, "I drink it!"

A man bursts the door open and shouts: "Doctor help me I'm shrinking!!" The doctor replies: "well you're gonna have to be a little patient"

Why did the Avengers start putting advertisements on the Hulk? He’s basically a giant Banner.

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high She looked surprised

Why do wood carvings take so long? Because they have to be done whittle by whittle.

What vegetable is sorta cool, but not THAT cool? Radish

The storm blew away 25% of my roof last night Oof

This morning I saw a guy dragging a clam on a leash behind him... It thought, it must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel.