Let’s go Birdinals!

At customs at the airport. Is this what chicks mean when they slide in my DMs and ask if I want customs?

Still true

Instantly cum any time I do this.

P. Diddly

Fuckin snaked that cone like a pro

Initial reports telling me tomorrow is Friday. BIG if true. Word out of Kamala’s camp is they are abreast of the situation and are less than pleased.

Here is something you can’t understand Are you strong enough to be my man Rage Against the Cross Country

I monitor my 3 year old dog better than the lady down the street monitors her 3 year old daughter. I’m about to call CPS.

This guy may be the most average natural athlete at all time. Guy’s just kinda good.

Just got a text from my boss that I have to start covering two facilities 5 days a week followed by a thanks. Really contemplating replying back with a “No need to thank me for something I didn’t volunteer for!”

Call me Wolfgang Fuck

Why do recruiters insist on me joining Teams for a call to talk about job opportunities? Just call my fucking phone you fucking weirdos.

Gonna get so faded at Applebee’s tomorrow night.

So wait, are Jedis just autistic?

LeBron is white, confirmed. #wowzers