"If you don't find farts funny then you're a loser because you're choosing to have less joy in your life, but the exact same amount of farts." - Julia Child

The fitness industry doesn’t want you to know that the most effective core workout for a man is holding in a fart during a 45 minute hot boot camp class full of women.

This.

you’re our sunflower @postmalone 🌻🫶🏼 #rodeo #rodeohouston #postmalone

Out. Standing. Performance. You can feel his humble energy blanketing the room.

Dear Delta person responsible for misplacing my wife’s bags TWICE out of IAH. Why? She tried to carry on. You made her check her bag. You failed. TWICE. Do better than 3,000 miles as a “sorry”. We’re both loyal Delta fliers. Elana Riggle

Ok Delta I’ve been loyal but whoever is in charge of checking bags at Bush Airport needs some help because on 2 trips in a row 2 wks apart my bag didn’t make it or get scanned on the plane Bush Airport . I bought a carry on for this flight today but the handle broke so I checked it.

I hope this gets zero likes. EVER. Also ZERO RT's. Don't even think about it.

Is the Pope from Chicago? About to be my new “does a bear shit in the woods?”reply to you when I’m serious about something.

#NewProfilePic

#NewProfilePic

I'd like to offer a short prayer for the victims of so much recent violence, for the families and friends whose worlds are shattered, for the first responders who are always running toward danger, and for a world in desperate need of healing and peace. Amen.

Me every time I log onto this app.

No. I do not want to turn notifications. Ever.

Welcome to the Twittewr dumpstewr, E !!!!

Not me seeing this is enshrined in hotdogs.

OFFICIAL CITY OF HOUSTON WARMING CENTER INFORMATION: The City of Houston will open 12 round-the-clock warming centers beginning: ❄️SATURDAY, JANUARY 24, 206 at 5PM❄️ Visit our website for a map and details: houstonoem.org/winterweather

🚨 BREAKING NEWS! The FBI has made its first arrest in the Epstein case!

From kiss cam to forever in just 10 seconds

The NFL doesn’t have a hair on its balls if they don’t immediately book a K-Pop group for halftime at next years Super Bowl. Just to really throw the world into more chaos.