Wales/England Border. December 31st 2021. Picture Colourised.

Glad this all got resolved. Just in time to get back to their old job and carefully watch a new prisoner.

WW1 started because a Serb shot an Austrian. WW3 starts because a Serb won't get shot by an Australian. Feels like poetry. #novakdjokovic #AustralianOpen

Astonishing. Calm. Rational. Gonna be fun labelling him a mental anti vaxxer

BMW have made a new car that can change colour! Now all they have to do is let BMW drivers know what wing mirrors are for.

What a lovely gig at Pizzarova Bristol for Belly Laughs. Nice to gig for a great cause. If you are I'm Bristol check out a Belly Laughs gig this January. Most are sold out so be quick! Thanks for having me and let's make 2022 a great year of comedy and laughing!

Great news about Morrisons introducing the 'sniff test' for Milk. Going to really help a lot of comics bring back jokes about Cocaine that were last used in the 80s.

Great seeing her on the mend. The Queen, out and about and practicing her Swan wrangling. Bless her.

The year is 2024, inflation is rampant and there are food shortages. Desperate people are queuing to buy a loaf of bread which costs an NFT of a wheelbarrow carrying all your life savings of crypto.

The big question is; was the Chinese spy at Parliament also at the lockdown party? :D

Ok gang, we only have tickets left for Aqua on 31 Jan & Bean Tree tonight (in an hour!!) And that's it!! Book here - yuup.co/hosts/belly-la…

So, if we put more gigs on next week. Will people buy tickets to them?? Let's see a show of hands!

Might not have made many sound investments in my time, but the layer of body fat I've accumulated, is my hedge against the inflation of food prices.

Gone to a gym on a Sunday and it was totally empty for a while. Got to live my apocalyptic dream of being totally alone in a nuclear bunker that was built for more people, but they didn't make it. That's a normal dream right?!

Got my first bird of prey in the year 2000. He was my Millenium Falcon #BadPuns

News reporting due to inflation, Kit Kats and Condoms going up in price. Leading to the new marketing slogan, 'Have a Wank, don't have a Kit Kat.'

Serious question; with the current inflation, at what price for diesel fuel, would it become more economical to hire Vin Diesel to give me a piggy-back to work?

With the news that microplastics are now being found in the human bloodstream, it is important to remember that when disposing of a body, an ethical killer should always put bodies in the mixed plastics bin. #Reduce #Reuse #Redrum

I'm a bit behind the news as had a busy day, but I just think it's incredible that Charles Darwin's stolen notebooks got returned. Personally I'd hate people to see in my notebooks but it's great to see his ideas taking shape. Really fascinating. #Darwin #DarwinNotebook

My New Year's Resolution will be to stop ruining people's fun. Unrelated to that, please don't forget the clocks go back an hour tonight.