Looks like it's not a good time to release my new song 'All My Reformed Friends Have Settled Down.'

What's Palm Sunday? I think that's the day I preached til 12:30, tried to apologize to the nursery worker, and she told me to talk to the hand.

The Lord has blessed this guy at church with the ability to grill. He has the gift of tongs.

God can do miracles. He got the men in our church to sing 'I once was lost'.

If God won't give us more than we can handle how do you explain losing an hour and The Oscars happening on the same day?

If you thought losing this hour was bad wait til you hear me preach.

It's not very Christian to take an hour away from someone.

I'm no church growth expert, but on Sunday nights I don't wear a tie and our attendance is cut in half.

The youth minister was half way through his sermon, 'Thou Shalt Not Cap', before the senior adults realized he wasn't talking about wearing hats in the sanctuary.

We're looking for new ways to reach the younger generation. Please fax your ideas to the church office.

Some folks get wiser with age. I get wider with age.

A Valentine Poem for married folk:

Roses are are Red
Violets are Blue
Where you wanna eat?
Don't care, it's up to you. #ValentineDay

Y'all know all this UFO stuff is just a smoke screen to get our attention off the fact that pastors have stopped wearing ties.

We no longer pass the plate at church. We still pass the buck though.

My sermons are like the Super Bowl. They keep people from coming back to church on Sunday night. #SuperBowl

Chick Fil A has a new Cauliflower Sandwich. Mike Tyson can't wait to try it.

My jokes are like the announcements in the bulletin. Nobody gets them.

Looking to sell my Jonah action figure. Runs great.

One of my favorite books is If You Give a Baptist a Committee.

Busy week. 2 1/2 baptisms and a funeral.