Me n Doja cat got a song coming , shit sounds like it’s straight off a GameFly commercial

Yeah my poly gf is into free-use so I can just poop on her whenever I want

Bro got the drake surgery

*year 2056* ai smart home: good morning FireStorm, would you like to augment your appearance today? Me: increase AAVE by 70%. And yes, I’d like to be a dog today *my son growing in an artificial womb explodes into a cloud of red liquid* Me: Jesus fucking Christttt

Haha

I could tell Jordan Peterson the plot of Hunter x hunter as if it were my life and he’d be bawling

Just saw a picture of my soul on Craigslist missed connections , instantly tasted blood

I typed my birthday into the microwave and died

Almost 30 bro I can start saying shit like “oo lala”

Almost 30 ima start saying shit like “Chesty blondes”

Oo LaLa ur a chesty one

*3 AM at the hookah lounge playing bloody knuckles with a marine who got a Other Than Honorable discharge * Marine: ur a tough little fucker Me: thank u bro *She Will by lil Wayne & drake starts playing*

Two types of BJJ dudes is the Marine Cowboy and the Softspoken DMT Smoker

I need my monkey ate on the double

Waging a war within myself Touchy Pervy BF 🤛VS🤜 Agreeable Flower Boy

*wont let me change lanes* Bumper sticker: Have A Faerie Nice Day!✨

I got some shyt brewing… where the bathroom at

Imagine me n her chopping it up for 3 hours every week