That Ken Bruce chap is coming on isn't he?

Hey, Nissan. "Who said electricity can't be bold?" Nobody. Ever. #atleastnotuntiltheystartedtakingthepissoutofyouradcampaign

Why are there peepholes in the fire exits at this hotel? If there's a fire we're not going to pause our escape and peep to see if there's something even worse outside.

MCing the Legendary Comedy Tryout Night Downstairs at the Kings Head in Crouch End. Some great people on - in fact a lovely mix of people I like and people I don't know. And a stranger's just a friend I haven't met yet. 🤮 Anyway, y'all comin'. downstairsatthekingshead.com/showevent.aspx…

Rather chuffulated to be opening the batting The Comedy Club in Southend-on-Sea, this actual very Friday, in the HOT company of MC Adam Morrison and headliner Rudi Lickwood Oh I do like to gig beside the seaside. thecomedyclub.co.uk/events/southen…

The one thing I don't need is anything else.

Tomorrow evening I'll be feckin' all kinds-a-shit up in Crouch End. Specifically Downstairs at the KIng's Head where Jeremy O'Donnell, Dave Ward & Sean Gorman will be in in the safe & capable but surprisingly soft & gentle hands of Michael Legge. Get along with you. downstairsatthekingshead.com/showevent.aspx…

My shoe looks either amazed or furious.

Looks like my specs were a little bit freaked out during the night.

Tonight I'm being funny in Fife. With two monstrously entertaining chaps called Matthew Baylis & Bill Dewar. welcometofife.com/event/comedy-n…

Pretty obvious innit? Abdicate and let her be in charge.

This is utterly baffling and more than a little concerning. I truly don't understand what the actual fuck is going on. Is it AI?

Hot salad. According to this poster I'm not gigging tomorrow at Leith Depot but I bloody well am. And it's going to be gorgeous. So do come and we'll all have a whizzy jolly time of it. Tell your friends, enemies and any more advanced pets. Let's DO THIS. bit.ly/laughdepotaugu…

Can we all just be clear about this? THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MUGSHOT. WAKE UP. Have you never seen a film?

Good to know that Private Rod has his own office these days.

Tomorrow evening in pretty, sunlit Marlow, I'm competing with some very fine fellow comics in my heat of the British Comedian of the Year. If you fancy some shade, please do pop along and support... us all! Nx ticketsource.co.uk/front-foot-pro…

Lonestar Comedy at the Royal Oak in Hawkhurst Fri 8th Sep 8pm The Royal Oak #Cranbrook #UKcomedy Matthew Price LINE-UP Jonny Awsum Neil McFarlane Dan Evans TIX jokepit.com/comedy-in/tunb… #JOKEPIT THE BEST⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐INDEPENDENT COMEDY CLUBS

Fucking hilarious.

If you don't want a breed of dog banned then maybe don't fuckin' call it the "American XL Bully". Just a thought...

Genuine, possibly vapidly-ignorant question: when companies get fined by regulators, for example a water company or rail operator - who gets the money? Where does it go?