I spit that other shit, “that’s a nice motherfucker” shit.

I wonder if Charli xcx knows I exist. Probably not. Maybe in another life I could be her father instead! I am scum I am scum.

The lincoln summer sales event ripped off my Perils from the Sea album cover. They thought I wouldn’t notice, but my eyes shine like lighthouse beacons across the twisted waves that swallowed a great many seafaring men. My ears miss nary a sound but the smallest steps of insects.

I just want you to like me, so just like me! Just like me!

The crow cackles at me. I walk to the farmer’s stand to buy two tomatoes, I throw them at the crow, and they skewer onto his beak. I buy two more tomatoes and they skewer onto his beak again. I lost $9 but now he can’t cackle at me anymore. I will try this trick on my mother now.

Woke up screaming for the third time this week. Think I was dreaming about the tall skeleton guy from Nightmares For Christmas again.

Sometimes I wish I got my song ideas through a terrifying hockey puck-esque module implanted between my eyes. Other times I wish I never got them at all.

Are all parts of a drumset named after sea creatures? Crash (wave), Ride (surfboard), Bass (sea), Tom (my fishing buddy Tom). Send tweet

Opened a beer and AI-ed myself as a swashbuckling pirate. America, you beast, you used to call for me! You invited me into your tomb and now this man has no parrot by his side nor sail at his grasp. You sent for me, Lady Liberty. Now I cry at your feet and let the 5G betray me.

I’m at the horseshoe casino in Hammond, Indiana and I’m thinking about my guitar The one I lost in 1999–she couldn’t have gone very far “Ring-ring” goes the slot machine whistle while I ponder under the eaves “She’s got to be in that forest preserve sitting under those leaves!”

When I was a kid, I thought putting my thumb in my mouth and blowing would make my eyes pop out of my head. Now, I know better than to think such pleasant, happy thoughts.

I park in the handicapped spots sometimes because I think it’s a little bit funny

I just received a phone call from “Borger, TX”.

When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, I used to sit by the train tracks and throw things at the passing trains. One time, it threw something back. Very peculiar.

Whenever I release new music, I like to do a ritual where I eat cookies and cream ice cream in my bathtub and cry

Drove past my old elementary school today except it wasn’t a school anymore, it was a sinkhole 50 feet wide. I guess now I can admit that I always had a crush on Mrs. Toolsey. She’s probably at the bottom of that sinkhole right now without service so she’ll likely never see this.