Oh, oh no, oh no, oh!

Anyway, happy Monday, folks! Best day of the week! Do something with it.

Little influx of followers lately.. let's weed some out: [cancer] affects good people and bad people. But it's when it gets the bad people that I like to think that some curses are real and earned and good riddance.

Look people alls I'm sayin is this: What if superheroes wore starter jackets

I'm wet, lads.

Shout out to Tony for coming online for the first time in 20 days to basically say, "My man is handsome, actually." In the fewest number of words possible.

ElectroBOOM is a blessing to the scientific community.

This week, NASA's new Mars Rover drove through NYC. Incredible.

It's me, I'm the man.

Anyway, I can't believe an actor playing me in my biopic had a way better scan of Iron Santa from my old comic book than I did!

ANYWAY, y'all want to make things a little seasonal up in here? You @ me the name of a charity and I'll send them a hundred bucks in your name. Ready? ROLL IT🎅🏼

Leo coming out: *mass text to friends, family & heads of state* There will be a VERY important press conference tomorrow which I will live stream from my bedroom. Obviously RSVP!

Everybody knows it takes at least two Tonies to tango.

Four years later, and the plea remains the same.

Dear Fellow Alcoholics: I know it's tough this time of year. We'll be able to crawl back out soon, kids. Real soon. You're doing great.

And if doing your best wasn't good enough, let me know, okay? Send me an email. We'll talk about it. We always do a little better together.