The Earth is 70% water and 30% Batman movies

Ladies love flooring

Found this note in my 6yo’s back pack. Guys, we’re gonna be ok

Happy Starwars™️ Day to those who celibate

I truly achieved mom status when a kid at the playground I didn’t know handed me his trash

happy mothers day ?

Sesame Street: Burt & Ernie are not a couple. Burt & Ernie:

A dog is like a toddler. A cat is like your adult child who needs to move back in with you and resents the shit out of you for it.

I miss being a kid when all u had to do to be cool was just be 2 years older than the other person

I'm not an economics expert, but instead of "supply and demand" how about "supply and ASK NICELY".

Surgeon Generals Warning: drinking cold brew coffee while pregnant increases the risk of your baby being born with a podcast

Free Eulogy Suggestion: They all adored her. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads. They all thought she was a righteous dude.

The year is 2032. The top grossing movie in America is Hocus Pocus 9: Hokeyo Drift

Halloween, it's a lifestyle.

my entry in our work pumpkin decorating contest entitled ‘What’s in the box?!’

wanted to show u guys my entry in the 2023 work pumpkin decorating contest

if you say Tim Burton 3x he appears & turns your whole family goth

On my way to support my college boyfriend at his intramural frisbee golf tournament

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat In a chef hat