U call it substance abuse I call it my chemical romance

girl i’m bored let’s form a band of homoerotic neurodivergent people

Only fetish I got is burger fetish

Liquor? Ya, if she’ll let me

‘you let your cats up on the kitchen counter???’ I would let the cats use my credit card

Rocket finally woke up.. I'm gonna get her breakfast, and then we'll go out and start training.

Update: She's making decent progress for an animal with no thumbs!

Rocket's sleeping on me again.. She's such a cute kitty.

me, attempting to vent: idk like it’s just idk man idk

Rocket's making very fast progress.. i predict that at this time tomorrow, she'll be shooting blasters like a pro!!

Shit, wait.. It's valentine's day, isn't it?

Trying to make dinner for Jet since it's valentine's day... I'm not really a good cook, but it's the thought that counts, right?

“omg u let ur cat on the counter” i would let my cat shoot u if she wanted

nice argument, but unfortunately I've already imagined us kissing and you seemed really cute about it. idiot

i will find you in every lifetime (threat)

im gay in ways we haven’t discovered yet

Relationship Advice #135: If your partner isn’t paying attention to you, simply microwave a fork for 15 seconds. It’s quick, easy, and efficient.

I've gotta go out to scavenge for food and scrap. I'm trusting rocket with her own blaster for the first time.. Hopefully she doesn't decide to attack ghoul!

First base is STABBING. Second base is KISSING. Third base is DIVORCE