My Foursquare badges say I'm "Already Dead." #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

I'm in prime mid-season TV football watching shape. Totally nailing it today. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Tom Cruise having a good hair day. So is his conversion to Judaism complete? #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Making some summer plans. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Let's get real. The first rule of Frasier Club is to tell everyone to get out there and act surprised when shit hits the fan. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Chappelle's nephew is the target audience for a Dick Clark movie. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

No hotel book. Not one. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Sometimes you just have to grind it out with a coffee pot on your lap. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Every Murder on the Polar Express ever. I pity the poor sod that had to make that train. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Lots to do so I'm heading offline. Have an amazing day. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Every celebrity profile on Facebook has to start somewhere. Make of it what you will. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

The Koch Brothers are making their biggest bank in the form of political action committees. That's a lot of checks to be returned. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

I've been listening to reggae music for twenty minutes straight. I think I'm going to pick up the tuba and bring it to the end of the evening. Would this be better if I use proper baseball scorekeeping shorthand? #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

If Superman came to my city I would steal a car and run him over with my own car. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Relieved to hear I didn't invent Bitcoin. Seems I laid a pretty good foundation for a sneaker advertisement. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

Thirty years of Big Ben blaring through my speakers. I'm gonna hear him through binoculars whenever I look down at my glasses. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

I've been a Red Lobster kinda guy my whole life. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

I say the following are the Top Ten Reasons Why You'll Never Click on a Facebook Page. (List provided by Instant Pot.) #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

These people who wander into your kitchen and start cooking dinner from scratch should be terrified. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback

The butterfly effect may be so powerful it actually has the makings of a science experiment. #ifb #followback #teamfollowback