Driving barefooted just feels so right.

Meowcore is a sophisticated genre. It's a mash of nightcore rock music and meowing over the guitar solos. Truly a ground breaking avant-garde style that few can truly appreciate.

MMEerrRROOo°

Bartender asked for my id or alternatively to tell her what year hurricane Katrina happened. Like, look lady, I don't even remember my own cousins birthdays and that happens every year.

Is five guys the chipotle of burgers?

So ughhhhhhh I messed up bigly this time. There has been 74 credit cards opened under my name TwT I'm such an idiot stupid stupid stupid

I met this chinese girl on twitter. She thought I was so cute that she didn't believe that my pictures were actually me so to confirm my identity she had me take a timestamped selfie with my social security number on it. I think I'm in love. Can't wait to facetime her soon.

Every single american father replies to any plans/details with 👍

Girls used to mean glorifying God when talking about 'living their best life'—now they mean how much dick they can take without getting an STD or pregnant.

A death of a bachelor is signified by buying throw pillows.

Antisemitic slurs need to stop. Saw a gay jewish twink cosplaying get called a 'Juwu' A JUWU!!!!

I'd literally share all my fish with you.

Seized the opportunity to purchase the maximum allowed quantity of tequila at the duty free store.

My parents know I am into nfts and bought me these. I don't know what to say. I mean I love my parents and they are trying hard to connect with me and my mom is a big snoop dogg fan since we saw him at firefly in 2016, but man, I can't imagine wearing these outside. What do I do?

Yeah baby, I'll help soothe your tummy ache 🥹 just take these pills and chase it with this diet coke :3
*hands her mentos*

They should let me drive the boat, I'd find all the fish.

She said she loves me like a cousin, but she's from west virginia.