Someone just dropped off a parcel for next door and tried to do a fist bump with me and I got momentarily confused and took his finger and tried to save it by saying, 'oh I like your ring.' So how's everyone else's day going

New joy unlocked - rewatching Keeping Up Appearances and listening to the corresponding Luxury Podcast episode by William Hanson and JVS afterwards

What a gorgeous birthday treat from my wonderful friend Lucy Scholes on a snowy day

Excellent haul from my local Oxfam bookshop for under a tenner

This is perfect from Janey Godley 😭

'Why didn't you just be more straightforward?'

'WELL BECAUSE I DIDNAE WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW!'

This is how I will be entering rooms from now on thanks

Benjamin Zephaniah on his refusal to accept an OBE.

'No way Mr Blair, no way Mrs Queen. I am profoundly anti-empire.'

Rest in power.

I personally thought my big sister Dolly was cute as hell in her Dallas Cowboys cheerleading costume at the half time show on Thanksgiving. To those of you being so critical of a 77 year old kicking up her heels, I say fuck yourself. Shame on you not her.

Suella Braverman after being sacked by Rishi Sunak

I have no idea what to say about this, other than that this is one of the most evil things I've ever heard a politician say in my lifetime.

I love this for the only Queen I will ever bow to #ItsTime

As a Bradfordian I’d like to offer Lee Anderson a charity boxing match. All proceeds to a charity of his choice. Let’s make this happen twitter

My new obsession is the podcast 'Help I Sexted My Boss' with William Hanson and Jordan North. Thought it'd relieve anxiety at bedtime, but now I can't sleep because I wake up in the middle of the night and think, 'Oh, one more episode can't hurt.' Love them. Just wonderful.

Months after filming the Stephen Poliakoff gig I was walking out of a screening room in Soho with Michael Gambon. I’d never seen myself on screen. It was pre dubbing, no music, hadn’t been graded, just the bare bones of a film. My heart sank. I thought I’d fucked it

Honestly couldn't have cared less about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner a few days ago. Now I think Joe Jonas is not only offensively boring but also a sinister misogynist, and I wish Sophie Turner the most wonderful things in life.

Back on my bullshit and watching Titanic on Film4 again

Absolutely living for Angie Stone's new album, Love Language. It's a masterpiece, as you'd expect. Pure joy and soul. Just beautiful.

Christ. Just caught some of Jeremy Vine show this morning, discussing death penalty (obvs). One woman called supporting it but tried to mitigate her position by saying 'some of the methods are too cruel and ritualistic. Why can't we just shoot them in the head?'

Last week was the ninth anniversary of the death of one of my best friends. I'm still not over it. She was probably the best German PhD candidate in the country. She was also brilliantly funny and compassionate. Even now, I can't cope with the fact she's gone.

HAS JOHNSON HANDED OVER HIS PHONE YET