everyone calls Scooby Doo and Shaggy cowards but imagine if you took a few bong rips and then got chased around a gothic castle by some masked white guy trying to commit insurance fraud

how it felt to ask a worker at sporting goods store if they had any 3 in inseam running shorts (he told me to try the women’s section)

can’t stop saying “Mike Faist” like Borat says “my wife”

a night, obviously. probably not even the full night. just enough time to kidnap him and force his family to pay a $500,000 ransom

my last 48 hours #CHALLENGERS

counterpoint

Zendaya the millisecond she walked into that hotel room

can’t stop saying “Mike Faist” like Borat says “my wife”

the White Lotus season 2 intro wanted what the Challengers soundtrack has

Me informing the ER doctor where the 15 donuts stuffed in my butt are from

enough time has passed

thanks Pfizer

mike faist you are one of my elite employees

huge if true

this was actually a great fit

I lied it’s actually gonna be this

74 degrees and clear skies. perfect weather for a White Claw and/or that guy MikeCam to tweet about coming out to his family for a ninth time

coming out to my parents by asking them to pay for tennis lessons

my halloween costume this year

average Tuesday night for Kristi Noem