Victoria Atkins can neither confirm nor deny that she is a useless idiot who knows fuck all.
#BBCLauraK #TrevorPhillips

Looking forward to Parliament returning tomorrow, so we can get back to fucking up the country.

Another sewage leak is suspected after a massive turd is spotted floating down a canal.

Victoria Atkins can neither confirm nor deny that she is a useless idiot who knows fuck all.
#BBCLauraK #TrevorPhillips

Looking forward to Parliament returning tomorrow, so we can get back to fucking up the country.

I hope the police don't ask me whether I'm registered to vote at my Downing street address or my Kensington mews house or Chequers or my mansion in Yorkshire or my apartment in South Kensington...

The importance of democracy is explained here by Boris Johnson, who tried to illegally prorogue Parliament then stuffed the House of Lords with cronies.

Poo, Spew, Barmy Hair-do, Cuntface, Dribble, Twat.

Retweet if you think Lee Anderson is a brainless gobshite.

Hello! The below news means I need more writing work - I’ve taken the liberty of including my writing CV. Available for all the writing gigs: if you need help polishing your Fringe show, a wedding speech, or maybe you’re a telly person in need of someone… mathew-owen.co.uk

We are making it a criminal offence to assault a shop worker. Despite the fact that the court system in chaos, our prisons are all full and... it is already a criminal offence.

Jacob Rees Mogg is right - courts can only rule on the law and this government is above the law.

Excellent book and utterly horrifying. Highly recommended.

William Wragg has given up the whip voluntarily after I failed to take it from him. Even a man who sends dick pics to strangers has more of a moral compass than I do. bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politi…

Had a very productive meeting with President Kigame of Rwanda, in which we agreed that he would sell all the houses we paid for and not give us a refund and I would shake his hand and grin like a moron.

'Hands up if your mates closed Sure Start centres because they hated the idea that kids from poor backgrounds might get a fairer start in life and be lifted out of poverty'

“Yes I am, but I’m not the one your Mummy meant when she said your Daddy was Prime Minister”

One thing is clear - the possibility that Angela Rayner avoided £1,500 in tax is an absolute outrage, whereas my wife definitely avoiding up to £20m tax is absolutely fine.

Please don't criticise Thames Water. They took on a debt free monopoly with a guaranteed income, borrowed £billions then paid it all out to shareholders, while spending nothing on infrastructure. In other words, a textbook example of how privatisation is meant to work.

Given my promise on integrity, professionalism and accountability, there is really only one possible course of action open to me after William Wragg's serious breach of standards - do absolutely fuck all.