ok i imagined dragons. now what

got to tell Jane Krakowski that I loved her in Pretty Persuasion and have been obsessed with her ever since, so idc what else happens this year I'm good

someone should invent receiving unequivocally positive attention without being perceived

imagine my absolute delight tuning into Jeopardy with my dad tonight and seeing the brilliant Guy Branum 🥹

you were good last year SO I posted one last Substack before midnight. I Love LA, Oh, Mary! opens across the pond and an incredible Hunger Games parody namedropping.substack.com/p/oh-mary-i-lo…

I personally love the concept of Hilary Duff being the Regina George of a toxic mom group.

✅ marked safe from commenting on a 23 year-old film student's Letterboxd review

still dropping names and talking shit on Subst*ck. Timothee’s Oscars campaigning, Drag Race S18 and more 🗣️ namedropping.substack.com/p/nosily-check…

2016 nostalgia? Not on my watch!

ooohhh I get it. Polymarket's an app where you place bets on how long your friends' polyamorous relationships are gonna last

period hitting, Catherine O'Hara died, it's 17°, etc.

In retrospect, given that MeToo was ultimately a movement about creating social and professional consequences for sexual abuse, no wonder all these guys went ballistic about it

Is it “karma” or is it actions having consequences over time? More at 11.

and we’re still together

we're SO back

I hate small talk!!! says the person no one wanted to interact with anyway

the Lindy West thing is ultimately a cautionary tale about living in the Pacific Northwest. it’s scary! you could encounter Bigfoot, or end up in a poly throuple that no one respects

minutes on stage...number of sets done...focus on the metric that really matters: how much time other comics spend talking about you in therapy