Plaza: maybe you have throat cancer now. Brain: OMG. no! Why would you say that! DO NOT GOOGLE THIS. Me:

Brain: No. You are getting your throat checked out on Nov 1st. There's already an appointment. At a hospital. This is for real. So don't. Google. Anything. Me:

Plaza:

Me:

The best part about teaching your kids how to cook is when you crack an egg, and throw it into the sink and the shell into the bowl. Then they make fun of you. And then you do it again 🤦‍♀️

*watching a show H: Oh! He got hit in the head with a hammer! Me: a what???! H: a hammer Me: do you it was one of those lug nut bot things? *as I mime the incorrect action anyways 🤷‍♀️ H: H: HAMMER. H: do you know what that is?? *points to TV Me: a hammer..... oh! Lol 😂 H:

PARENT HACK: Make a copy of your spouse's contact in your phone and name it SANTA. Watch the fear in their eyes when you whip out your phone to text Santa when they start acting up 😂😱😱😱😂 #parenthack #drunkwithpower #notjustforchristmas #SantaSpouse

A mom's popularity is directly related to their child's popularity at school. If they make a lot of friends, you inherit mom friends. This is not by choice. My inner introvert is crippled with anxiety. Why didn't I realize this before I had 3 kids???

Oh, your new best mom friend will be the kid that your child plays with the most. Look forward to it. It's a mystery prize! A big ol kinder surprise of anxiety.

@CarolineMoss "Also, you are not responsible for how anyone feels or reacts when you have done the right thing and are acting in kindness. The pain is on their shoulders."

“some people have it worse” is bullshit. don’t invalidate your trauma by comparing it to the experiences of others. suffering is not a competition.

"You can't mix papyrus and comic sans, Karen."

This. ❤

FIVE HOURS on the Hwy1 parking lot. Who else is a #highwayhostage???? My mental health cannot handle the idea of having to pee on the side of the road.

511 Alberta IT IS PAST OUR BEDTIMES AND WE ALL HAVE TO PEE. Amazon will you prime deliver some lady urinal devices to us??? #highwayhostage

No one told me that parenting would involve this much scotch tape

And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love Grey clouds roll over the hills Bringing darkness from above instagram.com/p/B91-ojtAiLo/…